fractal refraction

I’ve been quite interested in personality systems as aids for self-awareness and observing interpersonal dynamics, mainly Myers-Briggs and the Enneagram so far.

The other day, a friend and I were discussing Myers-Briggs types (there’s a good overview at http://www.personalitypage.com/info.html, from which I draw for my summary). In short, this system devises 4 axes of personality: our flow of energy (Introvert/Extrovert – are we primarily focused internally or externally?), how we prefer to take in information (Sensing/iNtuition – do we trust what we perceive with our senses or our gut feelings?), how we prefer to make decisions (Thinking/Feeling – do we decide based on logic or emotion?), and our preferred general lifestyle (Judging/Perceiving – do we prefer to be organized and come to a decision, or do we prefer to leave things more open-ended and flexible?).

Not surprisingly, the Judging characteristic is sometimes misunderstood to mean judgmental. My friend had said that most of his girlfriends had been J types, and when I asked him what he thought J characterized, he said something like, “Having unspoken rules that I am judged by,” at which point I joked, “Well, no wonder you thought that most of your girlfriends are J’s!”

It probably wasn’t the best joke to make, reinforcing the stereotype that women expect men to be mindreaders. But more seriously, don’t almost all of us have expectations, possibly many of which are not even conscious? And while expectations remain unconscious, there’s no possibility of considering how reasonable they are, or communicating preferences.